spookybarn dot com

garfieldesque

Monday morning, 10:07 am... and I am already so FUCKING over this week. T_T

quick summary of Nintendo's E3 press conference

Um...

Animal Crossing: City Folk, for Wii
WiiSports Resort - with a new "1:1 motion" dongle
WiiMusic - which is quite possibly the most uncomfortable product demo I've seen

... oh, and a giant bucket of FAIL.

That really couldn't have been worse... and Nintendo has owned the show (at least for me) for the last several years.  Animal Crossing should be fun... but nothing else looks appealing in the least....

UPDATE: I did forget one fairly large shocker... GTA: Chinatown Wars.... for DS?  Strange days, indeed.

i've never seen a better representation of how I feel about life...

than THIS.

i am legend(arily apathetic)

Here's the thing, I'm a total pussy.  I look at the state of the world, watch the news, talk to friends and coworkers, and all I really feel is dread at the future of this country.  Maybe it's the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, or just the ignorance of youth, but what happened to the world I remember growing up in?  Is this complete distrust and disgust with American government a new thing, or was I just ignorant of it? Speaking of ignorance, I seem to recall learning about evolution in high school, without the "benefit" of disclaimer stickers on my science books or lawsuits against my teachers.

So, yeah... I'm pissed off and scared shitless.  What do I do about it?  Zip.  I put up a Ron Paul sticker on the side of my website.  Woo-hah.  It isn't much... it is the least possible effort.

What do I do when they turn my driver's license into a RFID National ID?  Do I accept something that clearly and profoundly goes against my core beliefs? Do I reject it and make my life incredibly difficult as a result?  I'd like to believe the latter, but I know it is far from likely.  I know myself, and I'm a pussy.

So, what will it take?  What has to happen for me to stand up?  When we're all sitting through Two Minutes' Hate, putting on our best show for Big Brother, do I do my best to play along?

I don't know the answer... or maybe I do, but it is too depressing to admit.  Have you ever watched Children of Men and wondered if maybe, in some way, you wouldn't be happier in that kind of world?  Have you ever wished for things to go so wrong that you have no choice but to throw your life at some cause that means everything to you?

I've got many goals for the new year.  Get into shape, physically and fiscally. Write more.  Appreciate more.  Live more.  All good things, and things that I want and need to do.  Important things, on a personal level, but when all is said and done, pretty much irrelevant to the world at large.  Aren't we all, though?  Why do I care?  Why don't I care? So on and such as....

The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

 

At least Ron Paul kicks ass....

Paul/Kucinich '08? Yeah, I'm guessing reality will be a little bit less inspiring.

languid

I should really be updating this place more often.  I don't really want a web-diary, though... and duplicating other/better news and commentary sites seems pointless.  Maybe it's time for a reboot of spookybarn.com, or a re-imagining, if you're Tim Burton.  That seems like a lot of work.

It seems that when you've been bored enough for long enough, it becomes almost impossible to snap back into things when real work comes along, even if you're genuinely interested in what you're supposed to be doing.  Of course, maybe that's just me...

I think I'll look at kitties for a while...

one more day up in the canyon

Tuesday morning, and the new year starts up for real.  Yesterday was nice... waking up bleary-eyed and barely hungover, spending the day mostly in PJ's, burning through the last remaining hours of our newest obsession.  A wonderful and relaxing day to finish out the holiday break.

Today is the real beginning... a return to the office, and to daily life in general.  I sat at lunch, staring out over the finally-snowy campus, plotting little paths through the upcoming time-line.  2006 was a bit of a topper, what with marriage and all, but where do I go from here?

It's got to be somewhere, after all... if I'm sitting in the same seat, thinking the same things, feeling the same way when January 2nd, 2008 comes along... I'm not sure it will be bearable.

a pack mule's lament

I can't really blame it on my current employer, but I've come to the gradual realization that I just don't like my career... at least not in any way that I've experienced it.  Part of that involves remaining at the bottom of the chain... a position I seem to be destined for unless I want to take responsibility for other people, which I don't.  I've never really known what to say when managers ask me "So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?" but I've always known that the answer wasn't management.  I don't mind power and responsibility... I'd love to be part of the decision-making and strategic maneuvering, but I don't want to manage people directly.  Is that really such a strange desire?

Anyway, a few months back, I'd have told you things were on the up-spin.  I was working for my favorite boss out of any that I've had, and felt like we were making real progress... impacting our workspace in a positive and permanent manner.  Then, she left on maternity leave, and I watched everything we'd built for 2 years crumble away at the hands of an interim replacement who's just not up to the task.  It's not that he's a bad guy, he's just incapable of doing the job he's been given.  I'm not saying that I AM capable, and I certainly don't want the job even if I am, but it is incredibly important to work under someone you respect.

Yesterday, said boss returned from maternity leave, along with the (dreaded) announcement that she'd be moving on to other projects, and the interim replacement would become permanent.  Not that any of use who'd been affected were asked for our thoughts on how this "trial" had gone.

I do harbor some tiny speck of hope that I may be pulled along to something else in the wake of this restructuring, but the weight of experience makes for a very dim speck indeed.  For now, I will sift through the ruins of that castle in the sky that we were building, and hope ever so much harder that I'm capable of making a living from something that doesn't leave me dreading sleep from the knowledge of where I'll have to go when I awake.

Man, that was one hell of a run-on sentence.

On a slightly more positive note: this week also brings news of the resignation of the woman who causes 90% of our biggest problems.  It seems that they won't be promoting the perfectly competent person underneath her, so god knows what new horror they will find to fill the void... perhaps some kind of superhuman ultra-executive.

Official Pet-Peeve of the Day:  People who do not understand the difference between Reply and Reply to All.

silica gel: do not eat

I have struggled with the intent and direction of this blog since the very moment of its creation.  Too Personal? Too random?  Too full of stupid internet shit?  If I'm going to use it as a place to just vent my feelings in a diary-esque manner, why would anyone want to read it?  Would I want them to?  Why put it online then?

I still don't know, really.  Generally speaking, I'm not the most open of people when it comes to things like "feelings" and "emotions."  Is it odd that while I find it difficult to discuss my feelings, even with those closest to me, it is somehow easier to post things online, where they will remain (theoretically) forever, open to anyone who happens by?  Perhaps a (semi-)false security in knowing that very few people actually will happen by, and even of those who do, most will skip "emo-blah-blah" posts like this and scroll down, hoping to see whatever asinine oddities of the web that I've found recently and felt the urge to share.

So, as I sit here, waiting for a phone call from my mom bearing the inevitable news that my last remaining grandparent will be headed to Hospice soon... what am I supposed to write about it?  There's plenty of material, I suppose....  mostly guilt.  Guilt that I haven't spent more time with her as her health has declined.  Guilt that I never spent any time at all with my other grandmother in the last few years of her life, even if she wouldn't have recognized me.  Guilt about the excuses I've made for both of them.  Guilt about waiting at least a couple years longer than necessary to marry the girl I've always known I wanted to be with forever.

There's relief too, of course.  She's been praying for a while now that God would take her in her sleep... and even when He made it apparent that she'll have to make that call on her own, she's not bitter.  One more test before the end.  Relief for all of us as well... it isn't easy to watch a loved one fade.  And with that relief, more guilt.

I never thought of Grandma as a religious woman... I don't know if it was just a part of her life she kept private, or just something that comes out of a lot of us as we face the end.  Will it come out of me?  I've never believed in God, even when I thought I did.  Although, my experience with the incompetency of upper management in general could form a compelling argument.  I've never been able to get it square with a guy who would heap so much shit on people that are really only there because of him, anyway.  Then I started working, and realized that this is the most basic function of any upper-tier executive.  See, there's a joke for you, if you made it this far.

But anyway... this is all just rambling, because... as I sit in my cubicle at my high-paying office job that I earned with 4 years of college and 3 years of industry experience, I really don't have anything better to do.  Wallowing in the internet like a pig in mud.  Reading news about a world that seems damn near ready for Hospice as well.  Same as it ever was.

TANSTAAFL

There is nothing in life that frustrates and infuriates me more than being faced with my own ignorance or incompetence.  Oh, I'm cool with abstract, philosophical ignorance, but flailing around ineffectually at something I think I should understand is another matter.  This has been the overall theme of my week.

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress was a fantastic read, if a bit frustrating at times.  A great deal of my normal workday is spent trying to deal with various political factions who all, allegedly, want the same thing, but are completely incapable of coming to an agreement on how to get it.  I'm not a big fan of this, so sometimes I have trouble enjoying it in a fictional setting.

I generally pull any and all of my political opinions directly out of my ass, which I've always felt fairly appropriate.  I wouldn't consider myself a good candidate to critique the book on an intellectual level.  That said, Prof's description of "Rational Anarchy" resonated so well with my own worldview that I'm prepared to call it my official political stance.  I've never had one of those.

TMiaHM accomplished something that I didn't think was possible; it used great storytelling and a solid sci-fi concept to trick me into actually enjoying politics.  Easily my favorite Heinlein novel so far.

I meant to call around tonight but I never got a chance.  Two things:

1) Saturday.  Girly has a sleepover and I've got some badass flicks waiting for an audience.  Eh? Eeeehhhh???

2) Tuesday.  Supes Returns via AMC at 10pm, but girly works till 9:30. Any ideas?

big thoughts, little people

I've had this idea for a story kicking around in my head for a while now.  Well, multiple ideas, really, but this one has been extra persistent.  When faced with somewhat of a divine trinity: the subject matter of said idea, a two-day religious debate on an internet message board (yeah, I know), and this post right here... well, it really does seem like something is compelling me to get off my ass and do something about it.

The problem I've always had is that my mind works in an extremely visual manner... so the subject matter I play with in my minds eye always takes the form of movies, animations, comics, games...  and I've always had trouble slowing things down enough to convey them with words alone.  Unfortunately, words are my only option, what with the complete and utter lack of artistic talent.

So, how do you do it?  How do you write a compelling novel when you feel braindead every evening and want nothing more than to sit back and lose yourself in someone else's fantasy.  I guess the trick is losing yourself in your OWN fantasy, and finding a way to share it.  I need to learn that trick.